December 8: 6:00 PM
. It started to snow. The first snow of the season andthe wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma MosesPrint. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow coveringevery inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be alovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've everhad. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I didboth our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.My neighbour tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas.No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't thinkthat's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbour.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow, 8" last night! The temperature dropped to-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This-is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn'trealize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainlyget back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. Ithink that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
. Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in thedriveway putting down salt, Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour,which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit, it to her. God Ihate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my ownliving room.
December 20.
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all day. Freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbours kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow-blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inchesthe white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt tillAugust. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she. nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over whereI've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the freakin'snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @#$%'~& slop tonight.Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time,I'm going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30:and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it couldcave-in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think Iam?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a milliondollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. 9"predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling!
January 8:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keepgiving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
6 comments:
The reason you feel a little weired is because of those little white pills.
For future reference, haemorroid pills are NOT to be taken orally.
Anyway how you doing buddy ?
so close to the truth it's scary
Arggggg long time no hear,,strange man with white hat and red truck speak with full mouth and little brain.... Hi lyn,doin well had enough of this snow shoveling tho,hows you and the family ?? ill give you a call and give you my new home number ok.. Happy crimble
Talk about the truth Dave,spoke to ya son on the phone when i was in Steinbach,,,sounds just like you,,but with more brains,,,pmsl Happy Crimble to you lot too
and i thought i was having a bad xmas..lol..
Very good mate - cheered me up no end (bearing in mind I'm at work AGAIN today!!).
I reckon I'd have a right laugh being a snow-plough driver . . . . . . .
M. ;-)
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